Should girls make the first move?

It’s time for another session of AKA: Ask Kathy Advice! Today’s topic – whether girls should make the first move— is inspired by my own recent experiences.

In my single life post (read here) I mentioned how I don’t really find the spark with guys often, but…….lately there has been someone who caught my attention (gasp!). It happened very suddenly and I was a little confused about my feelings and whether this guy was interested in me. So, I gave my closest friends the summary of my interactions with him–a lot of which was initiated by me–and asked their advice on what I should do. Here is the breakdown of their responses:

  • Sophia: keep talking to him like normal and maybe even bring up your feelings
  • 1 girl: you come off too strong, keep talking to him here and there, and see how it goes
  • 1 girl: you come off as desperate, stop talking to him and see what he does
  • 3 guys: you come off as desperate, stop talking to him and see what he does

Honestly, I was a little offended when my friends said I seemed desperate because

1) I’m not

2) why is it that when a girl goes after what she wants she is considered desperate…while a guy would be considered confident?

I did appreciate that my friends were trying to give me their best advice. I tried cutting back on making contact, but then I realized I wasn’t really being myself. I was purposely ignoring him, which seemed a little ridiculous to me. Why should I change the person that I am so that he might like me? I gave up on their advice pretty quickly.

People really like to complicate things, while I see them more simply. If you like someone > talk to them and spend time with them.

The majority of my friends told me to play mind games. I’ve never played games with the guys I liked in the past- that’s just not my style. Yes, I am currently single, so maybe my technique isn’t really working, but then again maybe I’m just choosing the wrong people?

I’ve been a victim of unrequited love before and it is terrible. I once even secretly crushed on a guy for over a year, analyzing our interactions, getting feedback from my friends that he was also interested, when in the end he only saw me as a friend. That was during my early college days and from that moment I pretty much vowed to myself that I would not just sit there and wait for some guy to make a move on me. I will be waiting forever.

I’ve heard that guys do enjoy when girls make the first move, but maybe it’s all talk. Many of my guy friends say they like the chase. I think that when you meet someone that you click with then it will all happen very naturally. If someone cares about you they will show it.

I’m the kind of girl that goes after what I want. I don’t want to waste my time waiting around for a guy to make a move- when he might not even have the intention to. I would much rather put myself out there, find out, and then carry on my way if feelings are not reciprocated.

In the end, do whatever you’re comfortable with because you have to be happy with your actions at the end of the day! Best of luck!

♥ Kathy


  • Krist says:

    Comment: A guy who pursues can also be considered “thirsty.” Regardless of sex, be yourself and if it doesn’t click, oooh well.

  • Carly says:

    I say, keep doing what you’re doing because if he’s the right guy, it won’t matter who approached who first!! :)

  • An says:

    Thank you so much for the advice. I’m having a crush on this guy at work but I’m too scared to talk to him, now you just empowered me to make the first move and see what happen. I have nothing to lose, right? If he’s interested then you go girl, if he’s not, then at least you know not to waste your time thinking about someone who doesn’t even think of you.

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